The Challenges of Dating: What Men Are Getting Wrong (And How To Fix It!)

I sat down with Chris Bates to talk about a shift you might have noticed. He went from being known for animal-based nutrition to leading conversations about dating, brotherhood, and what it takes for men to show up well in relationships. As the host, I walked away with practical ideas you can use if you are single, dating, or trying to keep a marriage healthy. Here are the main takeaways and a few actionable steps you can start today.

Why the Rebrand? The Why Behind the Why

Chris explained that his pivot was simple: he started asking why men really want to optimize their health. For many, the answer is not just to look good. It is to show up better for a partner, to be a stronger parent, and to build a life that can be shared. So he moved from preaching nutrition alone to teaching the bigger why: relationships, brotherhood, and long-term purpose.

Build Your Frame First

One of the first principles in his new book is to set your frame. That means build a life you love before you invite someone into it. Be clear on your nonnegotiables and your direction. If you already have a strong frame, you can invite the right person to build the rest of your life with you, rather than trying to fix your life by attaching to someone else.

Complementary Roles, Not Competition

Chris and I both believe in complementary roles. That does not mean old school stereotypes; it means understanding strengths and leaning into them. Men tend to bring vision and direction. Women often bring nurture and detail. When those roles work together with mutual respect, families and relationships thrive.

Dating Tactics That Actually Work

• Be Authentic: Stop trying to be what you think someone wants. Be unapologetically you.
• Use the Apps, Do It Smart: Hinge is better for relationship-minded people than swiping apps that reward superficiality.
• Approach In Real Life: Women still want men who can approach confidently in person.
• Filter Early: Small rituals like offering to pick someone up or taking them to dinner help filter alignment quickly.

Health and Hormones Matter

We talked about testosterone and why it is part of the picture. Chris told me his stance had evolved. He used to be against TRT across the board. Now he sees a place for targeted, minimum effective doses for men who have tried the basics and still struggle to achieve results. His rule: exhaust the fundamentals first (sleep, nutrition, training, stress management), then consider medical options when needed.

More important than a number on a lab test is how you feel. Are you motivated? Able to recover? Present for your family? Those indicators matter more than chasing an arbitrary testosterone value.

Porn, Control, and Energy Redirection

Chris was blunt: porn is a modern vice that often replaces real intimacy. It trains the brain for quick reward and robs men of focus. The practice of abstaining or reducing porn use can free up energy, increase presence, and make you more confident in the dating world. He recommends redirecting that sexual energy into projects, community, or pursuing the right relationship.

Brotherhood and Accountability

One of the things Chris built is a men's community. It is a small group-based, practical, and focused on accountability. Men share wins, struggles, and give each other a reality check. That structure helps men stay consistent with health, dating goals, and emotional growth. If you want change, you need people who will hold you to it.

Simple Communication Practices That Save Relationships

We agreed that basic skills are underrated. One exercise Chris shared is a timed eye contact conversation: each person gets two minutes to speak while the other listens, then switches. That four-minute ritual, done regularly, helps partners feel heard and reduces small resentments. It sounds small, but it is high-leverage.

A Story Worth Hearing (The Vegan Sunglasses Date)

Chris told a memorable worst-date story that taught him a lot. He matched with a vegan woman, agreed to let her cook, and then had a verbal fallout about diet values after the date. She left a pair of sunglasses in his car. When he returned them through her concierge, she exploded, accusing him of trying to embarrass her. The lesson: do not go on dates trying to convert someone. That energy ruins the potential before it can grow.

Actionable Checklist

• Decide what you want and write your nonnegotiables.
• Fix the basics first: sleep, diet, training, stress.
• Limit porn and redirect the energy into goals.
• Use apps selectively and still practice in-person approaches.
• Join a small group of men for accountability and growth.
• Practice 2-minute listening exercises with a partner weekly.

What is The Dating Edge About?

The Dating Edge is Chris Bates' book of 13 practical principles for men. It mixes true storytelling with clear rules to stop wasting time and find a compatible partner. The ideas translate to life beyond dating, into leadership, health, and friendships.

FAQ

Q: Do I need TRT to improve my dating life?

A: Not at first. Start with the basics like sleep, nutrition, training, and stress control. If you have exhausted those and still struggle, consult a clinician and consider minimum effective medical options under supervision.

Q: How can I stop porn from hurting my relationships?

A: Set a clear goal and reduce exposure. Replace the habit with discipline-building activities like fitness, community service, hobbies, or learning. Small wins build confidence and presence, which are more attractive than any quick fix.

Q: How do I find a men's accountability group?

A: Look for local groups at churches, community centers, or online platforms like Circle. Small groups of six to eight men that meet regularly are ideal for honest feedback and consistent growth.

Final Thought

If you want to build the body and the life that attracts the right partner, start with the basics and then scale up intentionally. If you are ready to level up your physique and confidence, join my Free Bodybuilding Masterclass. It covers my 7-Phase System to get shredded, keep muscle, and maintain cognitive focus. 

Go do the hard work. Find your frame. Invite the right person in. I'll see you in the masterclass.

Stay Savage,

Robert Sikes